Hope

June 24, 2009 at 3:21 pm Leave a comment

Hope in the SixtiesBefore the sixties, hippies generally believe that hope had not yet been discovered. You know how life was for a peasant in the middle ages in England? How you had crazy hair, and you slept in the mud, and your children died before you could name them, and you ate bread with bugs in it, and it was always raining which you knew because you lived in a pig pen or in a house with a straw roof that did absolutely nothing? Well, to people from the sixties, this is exactly how life was from the moment humanity first branched off from orangutans six million years ago all the way up to Dec 31st 1959.

We know this because they tell us. Time, and time, and time again.

“We didn’t know what was happening around us, and we didn’t know why, or how. But we did know that high above there shone something brighter than the sun, a brilliant white energy that bathed us in glorious wonder. It was ours and ours alone, and we named it – hope.”

If you are reading an article or a book written by a person from the sixties, you will then be reminded of this every 1053 words, in the form of –

“What we were feeling…was hope.”

This sentence is like catnip for people from the sixties. It actually crosses over into the realms of sexual excitement and tribal identity. If you are ever somewhere in Northern California or upstate New York, and you happen to have a thing for men or women from the sixties and feel like exchanging energy with one, simply find the nearest bar or farmers market, pick your hippie, and whisper this phrase into his or her ear. At the least, he or she will look at you with a wise smile and slowly nod as you stare into eachother’s eyes. It won’t even matter if you are 20 years younger – they will see you as one of their own. You know how in the wild you can kidnap a wolf cub, rub a sack of potatoes all over the cub to get its smell, sneak the potatoes back into the den and the wolf will raise them like they’re little wolf children? Well this is how it works with hippies too. The power of this phrase completely overwhelms their other senses.

To this day, hippies continue to feel tremendous hope for what the 1970’s will bring. As their sixties powers strengthen, they continually realize their true purpose. This is called the holy trinity of hippie hope, and is spoken as a pledge¬† –

1. I will bring hope to myself

2. I will bring hope to other hippies

3. I will bring hope to the world (optional)

Incidentally, this is why people from the sixties secretly hate Barack Obama. The moment he kidnapped hope and brought it into the present the 911 hippie hotline lit up like a row of scented candles. This insult was compunded by the fact that Obama was a person from the seventies. No one has tasted the bitter judgement of people from the sixties like their little brothers and sisters who failed to properly experience the magical decade due to insufficient age. So for hippies, after the best world leaders they could come up with was Bill Clinton and George W Bush, to have some kid raised on Saturday Night Fever and Shaft steal hope right out from under them was very painful.

Oh yeah, the black thing doesn’t help either. People from the sixties either wanted a black president who was a sixties person, or no black president until presidents were coming from eighties people or later. I would say that in general its 1/4 the 70’s thing, 1/4 the first-black-president-timing thing, and 1/2 the hope thing. But that hope thing was a pretty low blow, so that’s a big 1/2.

There is an upside to the whole Obama debacle however. Since we are guaranteed 3 consecutive terms of iron fisted republican rule to arrive within either 4 or 8 years, the potential to reclaim hope once Obama is gone is something that currently brings hippies a lot of hope.

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Entry filed under: Beliefs.

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